Different Ways to Connect

Connection is so very important to children.  It's how they process the world.  As infants, they need a physical connection to their mother.  It's as important of a need as eating.  But as the babies grow, they individuate.  That's how it's supposed to be.  But toddlers and young children still need to check in with mom.

Sometimes I feel like the sun around which my toddler-planets revolve.  Jack has a close orbit.  He's never very far away, and I figure prominently into his play plans.  Gus has a wider orbit, and does well with self-directed play.  But both boys need physical connection at varying levels.

Jack will bounce around the room, from me to a toy, back again.  He did this reliably last night while we were at Family Dinner at my parents' house.  But Gus was intent, caught up in his own world as usual.  Until he came running over to me and planted a big kiss right on my lips.  He told me "Mama kiss."  Then he ran over to Moviedad and did the same thing.  And then it was back to business as usual.  He made the connections he needed.

And I really loved it.

"Mama kiss!"

     

Children are People

"Oh, they look just like little people!"  

My then-fourteen-year-old cousin's voice cut through the general hum and buzz of conversations that were swirling around my parents' house.  She was watching Gus and Jack pull themselves up to stand on their very nearly one-year-old feet.  She was delighting in them. I think she meant they looked very grown up.  I knew this and was glad but her comment still irked me.    

Of course they look like little people.  They ARE people!  

It never fails to amaze me that our society doesn't seem to value the person-hood of babies and children. They are devalued at every turn, from cry rooms in churches to adults-only flights.  

Children are people, and as such, they share in the basic human rights every adult would expect.  

It makes me angry and sad when parents talk about those hot-button parenting issues, such as breastfeeding, in terms of purely parental choice.  How different would the conversation be if breastfeeding were seen as a biological right instead of a choice?

I'm betting that every single baby ever born would choose mama milk, if given a voice to do so.  

But babies can't talk, and children are still learning logic and communication skills.  So it's our job to stand up for them and give voice to their rights.  

My little people.

Give them something special

I was zipping through the grocery store one evening last week when I was sidelined by an incredibly strong urge.  I really really REALLY wanted to bring home something special for Gus and Jack.

I looked around, unsure at where to even start.  I had come in for baby yogurt and grapes.  I was in a regular grocery store... you know, the kind that is so big you could get lost inside of it.  I ran through a litany of things I could bring home.

Cookies?  Ice cream?  Candy?

Then I stopped myself with a shake.  What?!  No, I'm not going to buy them junk food!

I took some deep breaths and thought about what was going on inside my head.  I had been at work that morning, away from the boys.  I had been at a tutoring job that evening, away from the boys.  I was on my way home to see them, and I wanted to show up with something to give them.  Something to "prove" my love to them.

I'm very glad I took the time to stop and collect my wild thoughts.  I'm sure I've unthinkingly given into the urge before, but on this particular night I was able to think it through.  I wonder where it came from.  I wonder why I felt it.

In the end, I brushed it off, bought the yogurt and grapes, and went home.

As it turns out, I did give the boys something special that night.  It was something they really really REALLY wanted.  It showed them how much I love them.

When I got home, I nursed my boys.

Gus and Jack are going through a hat phase.  They love those hats!

Wordless Wednesday: Preemies

In celebration of preemie week at Natural Parents Network.  Jack and Gus, born at 34 weeks.

I'm not technically a SAHM anymore

I was a really good teacher.  I am a really good mama.  I am not so good at being both.

I'm losing my status as a stay at home mom this week because I've started working outside the home again.  I'm a preschool teacher.  At the preschool where my mother is the director.  And only on the days Gus and Jack are attending that preschool.  (It's a family affair.)

It shouldn't be that difficult.  I've got a nice setup, I know.  But doing ANYthing with twins takes some planning and creativity.  Today I was at school with the boys for two and a half hours.  I got maybe 30 minutes worth of work done.  The rest of the time I spent feeding the boys lunch, playing outside with them, and chatting with people who wanted to see the boys.  Then I came home and it took me three hours to type up a welcome packet that normally would have taken me twenty minutes.  Sheesh.

So to all you mamas out there, especially twin-mamas, who work full time outside the home:  Kudos to you.  You have my honest and heartfelt admiration.

Does the dual role of mother and worker get easier with time?

Does it look like I'm going to let you get any work done, mama?

Transformations

New parents juggling squirmy squally babies.

I always knew that my children would go through wondrous transformations as they grew and learned and developed as human beings.  And I also knew, albeit vaguely, that Moviedad and I would go through some pretty awesome changes as we grow into our roles as parents.  As far as my own mother was concerned, I knew she would slip into the role of Nana as comfortably as into a soft beloved bathrobe.  

But what I wasn't expecting were the transformations I've been witnessing in the rest of my family members.

The pace of my father's life has slowed enough between his children being babies and the arrival of his grandbabies; he notices and appreciates and comments on the smallest of changes in them.  He made an observation the other day as Gus and Jack were signing and babbling that made my heart swell with pride and validation.  "You can really tell how much time Mo spends with these boys."  Thank you for noticing, Dad!   

Great Grampa is happy to be holding baby Jack!

My grandfather, in his new role as great-grampa, held a baby for the first time!  He had never held any of his children or grandchildren before they were around one year old.  (This bit of news was staggering to me because I always assumed that loving, involved, present man was as comfortable around infants as he was around us kids.) And yet, here he is, holding Jack at their baptism when they were but four months old.  

My sister has learned to juggle two babies as easily as any seasoned mom of twins.  My brother-in-law can now change diapers like a... well, a journeyman maybe.  Not quite a pro, but he's getting there!  

My brother, who was once too cool for family functions, will now call me multiple times on Sundays to know when we're going to arrive at Family Dinner because he and my almost-sister-in-law want to play with the boys.

Big Jack showing the babies where the corn bags go.

And my cousins!  My cousins who haven't really been around babies very much at all absolutely adore Gus and Jack.  They fly the babies to the moon, and hold them ever so patiently while the boys explore the light switches.  They chase them around the yard, or laughingly pause the game of cornhole while curious small and feet commandeer the boards and bags. They graciously give up hats or shoes for the amusement of the babies,  and all sorts of other small acts of play that speak volumes.

I don't know if Gus and Jack will ever truly know the impact their simple existence has had on their extended family.  They have transformed us into better people, just by virtue of being.  

That's love.

That's family.

Brotherly love!

  

  

The Power of Please

Not too long ago, Jack started screaming when he wanted something and I wasn't moving fast enough.  These were full-on screams from a very passionate little person who really really REALLY wanted more pears.  As badly as I wanted to stop the screaming, I also didn't want to just give into it.  I figured there must be a better way.  My guy was simply communicating to me his wants in the only way he knew how.  So the secret was to give him a better way.

I began teaching Jack and Gus the sign for "please".  The ASL sign is to make small circles on your chest with an open hand.  Small circles presented a problem for 15 month olds, so we modified it to patting with an open hand.  It turns out that the chest part is a bit of a stretch right now, too, so the boys will pat their bellies with varying degrees of enthusiasm when they're asking "please".  

Their first signed phrases include please.  "More please"  "Milk please" and "Food please" are some of them.  They have learned the power of please.  In fact, Moviedad and I will sign it to the babies often when we are asking something of them.   When Gus started standing up in his chair during meals I worried he'd fall over.  Thus begins our delightful dance.  It goes like this:  

Gus stands up.

Mama says and signs "Sit down, please."

Gus does so with a mischievous look.

Mama signs and says "Thank you, Gus."

Gus beams and stands up again.  So does Jack.

Repeat.  

I know some people might think this is conditioning the boys to perform for praise.  And maybe that's the case.  But there is also safe limit-testing going on, and the forming of a wonderful habit.  

Jack and Gus are learning to sit down whenever and wherever I say "Sit down please".  This has kept them from stepping off a playground step that was too high for them, slipping by me while I was putting shoes on the other one, and from running headlong into each other during a rowdy game of chase at Nana's house. 

The power of please has also come into play when Gus and Jack want something from me.  Today we were wrestling when they both decided they wanted to nurse.  There I was, sitting on the floor, watching my babies advance on me saying "na-na" (their word for nursing) and signing please frantically and with great joy.  How could I resist?  We had an impromptu nursing session right then and there.  

Ah, the power of please...

"More please!"