Glasses

There will be a new pair of glasses in my house soon.  But they're not mine... they're Jack's.  He has an astigmatism in both eyes.  It's gotten progressively worse in the past year, so he's been fitted for glasses.

This makes me a little sad.  I'm not sad that he'll be the adorable kid in glasses, I'm upset to think Jack experiences the world in a less-than-optimum way.  The doctor explained that astigmatisms cause distortion.  Some of the light enters the eye and lands where it's supposed to, but some lands short.  So Jack could be seeing some things double, or he might not be seeing some things at all.  The doctor also explained that young children with astigmatisms or other vision needs are sometimes clingy, unsure in new situations, or scared a lot.  They also tend to fall down.

Well, shoot.  Jack is clingy and high needs.  I attributed this to his personality and parented accordingly.  I'm sure that most of it IS just the way he's wired.  But not seeing well would definitely exacerbate his feelings of insecurity.  Also, he falls down quite a bit.  He tends to land on his mouth.  The poor baby has had more bloody lips in his two years than some five year olds I know.  I just thought it was because he was impulsive and impish and tended to leap before he looked.  Right, mama.  But if he can't SEE where he's leaping or what he's leaping over, then it makes sense he'd be the twin that falls down more.

The eye doctor suggested glasses when Jack was 18 months old, but I didn't feel he would be ready or willing to wear them with any regularity.  So we've spent the last six months making my glasses a hot commodity.  Both boys love getting them and bringing them to me in the morning.  They often ask to put them on.  They giggle and touch the lenses saying "Mama eye in there!"  Jack and I have been talking about his new glasses.  I'll ask where they are and he'll touch the bridge of his nose questioningly.  Then we talk about how they're at the lab, but he can wear them soon, just like Mama!

I'm afraid the most difficult part of Jack having glasses will be Gus NOT having some; his eyes are fine.  We actually started going to the eye doctor when the boys were just under one year old because I was worried about Gus' eyes!  I noticed some crossing of his left eye in pictures.  I never caught it in real life, but it was enough to get us in to see the eye doctor.  I'm so glad... because it turns out one of my babies needs glasses.

Note: The boys' first eye exam was through InfantSee.  It's a phenomenal program that offers free eye exams to infants under 1.  Check them out, and get your baby's eyes checked! 

Yep. I went there.

About seven years ago, I read Fast Food Nation.  It was a watershed book for me.  I boycotted fast food.  I was appalled by the companies' treatment of their employees, disgusted by the description of what was in the food and how the animals were treated, and frankly I realized I'd be better off not eating that crap anyway.  And so.

Fast forward to today.  I'm just beginning to catch my breath after a tidal wave of illness swept through my house.  There were headcolds, brochiolitis, pneumonia, and a nasty stomach bug.  Gus is back to his cheery self, but Jack is still terrified of vomiting, and won't eat much of anything.  In a desperate attempt to entice him to get some calories and protein into his body, I took the boys to a fast food place.  There, Jack ate most of a hamburger, some fries, and a little bit of milkshake.  He ate!  But it was crap food.

The angel on my shoulder says it's ok, he got some sort of sustenance.  The angel doesn't think they'll form any wonderful associations to the place or the food. There was no play place; they just enjoyed calling out the colors of cars they saw in the parking lot as they ate.  But the devil... well the devil on my other shoulder has been giving me grief all day about compromising my convictions.

Sigh.  My sister will have a field day with this when she finds out.  I've sternly told her in no uncertain terms that my boys were not to have fast food.  Until today, anyway.  And I'm the one who took them!

It's amazing how motherhood can soften the iron of long-held convictions in the name of doing what's best for your child.  Was giving them crap food the best thing?  No, probably not.  But it was the best solution I could come up with at the time, and it worked for what it's worth.

Now I just need to figure out what to feed Jack tomorrow.  'Cause we're not going back there.

Good night, sweethearts.

I sing to-- and now with-- Gus and Jack all day long.  Including at night when they're nursing to sleep.  Here are two of their current favorite lullabies.

To the tune of ABCs:

Gus and Jack, I love you

And I know you love me, too.

You are my light, my love, my boys.

You bring me unending joy.

Gus and Jack, I love you.

And I know you love me, too.

To the tune of Jes.us Loves Me:

Mama loves you, this you know

for I always tell you so.

Precious ones in my heart belong

you are smart and you are strong.

Yes, Mama loves you.

Yes, Mama loves you.

Yes, Mama loves you

I always tell you so.

We then sing this one again and put in other names:  Daddy loves you, Nana loves you, etc.

Tonight Gus joined in.  It melted my heart.

Goodnight, my little loves.

I have no current pictures of them sleeping... must remember to fix that!

The Power of Please Part Two

About seven months ago, I wrote a post about the power of please.  Gus and Jack learned to sign please, and it was so darn cute.

Now, we're working on manners again.  It's a whole different ballgame now that they're verbal.  Their language acquisition simply amazes me.  Gus in particular can and will parrot just about everything I say right back at me.  (I have to be very mindful of what comes out of my mouth now!)

I taught the boys to say "I want na-na please."  Na-na is our word for nursing.  I would say it to them, they would say it back, and they would get to nurse.  I could just see the light bulb blinking on above their heads.  "Hey!" their expressions seemed to say.  "These sounds get me what I want!  Cool."

And now they have figured out that they can put other words into this sentence with the same amazing results.  Last night Gus said "I want mamera [camera] peez."  Keeping in mind Alfie Kohn's advice to make yes the default answer, I agreed.  We then joyfully took pictures of the ceiling, up Gus' nose, and Jack's forehead together.  Next we made a movie.  It was so much fun!  

Both boys have now learned to create new requests from the template.  They are able to voice their wants to parents who are willing to fulfill them, and the satisfaction is evident in their faces.  They are learning to talk, learning manners, learning basic communications skills.

Being their mama is amazing.  

A portrait of Jack, taken by Gus.

Different Ways to Connect

Connection is so very important to children.  It's how they process the world.  As infants, they need a physical connection to their mother.  It's as important of a need as eating.  But as the babies grow, they individuate.  That's how it's supposed to be.  But toddlers and young children still need to check in with mom.

Sometimes I feel like the sun around which my toddler-planets revolve.  Jack has a close orbit.  He's never very far away, and I figure prominently into his play plans.  Gus has a wider orbit, and does well with self-directed play.  But both boys need physical connection at varying levels.

Jack will bounce around the room, from me to a toy, back again.  He did this reliably last night while we were at Family Dinner at my parents' house.  But Gus was intent, caught up in his own world as usual.  Until he came running over to me and planted a big kiss right on my lips.  He told me "Mama kiss."  Then he ran over to Moviedad and did the same thing.  And then it was back to business as usual.  He made the connections he needed.

And I really loved it.

"Mama kiss!"

     

Children are People

"Oh, they look just like little people!"  

My then-fourteen-year-old cousin's voice cut through the general hum and buzz of conversations that were swirling around my parents' house.  She was watching Gus and Jack pull themselves up to stand on their very nearly one-year-old feet.  She was delighting in them. I think she meant they looked very grown up.  I knew this and was glad but her comment still irked me.    

Of course they look like little people.  They ARE people!  

It never fails to amaze me that our society doesn't seem to value the person-hood of babies and children. They are devalued at every turn, from cry rooms in churches to adults-only flights.  

Children are people, and as such, they share in the basic human rights every adult would expect.  

It makes me angry and sad when parents talk about those hot-button parenting issues, such as breastfeeding, in terms of purely parental choice.  How different would the conversation be if breastfeeding were seen as a biological right instead of a choice?

I'm betting that every single baby ever born would choose mama milk, if given a voice to do so.  

But babies can't talk, and children are still learning logic and communication skills.  So it's our job to stand up for them and give voice to their rights.  

My little people.

Give them something special

I was zipping through the grocery store one evening last week when I was sidelined by an incredibly strong urge.  I really really REALLY wanted to bring home something special for Gus and Jack.

I looked around, unsure at where to even start.  I had come in for baby yogurt and grapes.  I was in a regular grocery store... you know, the kind that is so big you could get lost inside of it.  I ran through a litany of things I could bring home.

Cookies?  Ice cream?  Candy?

Then I stopped myself with a shake.  What?!  No, I'm not going to buy them junk food!

I took some deep breaths and thought about what was going on inside my head.  I had been at work that morning, away from the boys.  I had been at a tutoring job that evening, away from the boys.  I was on my way home to see them, and I wanted to show up with something to give them.  Something to "prove" my love to them.

I'm very glad I took the time to stop and collect my wild thoughts.  I'm sure I've unthinkingly given into the urge before, but on this particular night I was able to think it through.  I wonder where it came from.  I wonder why I felt it.

In the end, I brushed it off, bought the yogurt and grapes, and went home.

As it turns out, I did give the boys something special that night.  It was something they really really REALLY wanted.  It showed them how much I love them.

When I got home, I nursed my boys.

Gus and Jack are going through a hat phase.  They love those hats!