Thursday, October 28, 2010

Mommy Wars

I am new to the blogosphere, I've found a few mommy blogs that I love and want to be when I grow up, and I've been introduced to the term "mommy wars".  

Apparently, the choices you make for your children put you on one side of the battle line or another. 

I breastfeed my babies.  So, if you don't, we're enemies, right? 

You put your baby to sleep in a crib.  I don't, so we can't be friends, right?

Look at the language.  War.  Enemy.  Really?  Being a mother means you face a constant stream of decisions aimed at keeping yourself and at least one other human being alive and functioning.  Is there really time to battle other mommies?  I'd rather play with my twins.  

Don't get me wrong; I have plenty of strong opinions on how to raise my children.  And I truly feel that our culture has overruled basic biology when it comes to a multitude of parenting options.  However, I won't fight with other mothers who make other choices.  

Sharing information is one thing, battling it out over disposables or cloth is another.  I've been labeled "crunchy" by some and "mainstream" by others.  But my boys will just call me Mama, like all the other Mamas on both sides of every battle line.  

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


"He's perfect."

That was the answer I got when I asked a dear friend how her son was doing.  We had already covered the weather and work, and it was on to the good stuff.  I wanted to know about her baby, and I could hear the change in her voice.  She perked up, and fairly sparkled over the phone.  Her baby, born two months after my boys, is perfect.  And so it goes.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  "He's perfect."  I realized that my sons are also perfect.  They're eight months old, and full of wonder, unsullied by the cares life will lob at them someday.  We've passed the newborn, colicky stage.  They are smooth and round and happy.  Their little bellies are calm, and fit so snugly under their barrel chests and chubby chins.  They wake up happy every day, looking around to see what's new.  My face, puffy eyes and unruly hair notwithstanding, is beautiful to them.  Every mashed banana is the best banana in the world, every bite is partaken with gusto and verve.  Movement is play.  Kisses and smiles flow freely.  So does the mama milk.  Life is good.

Don't get me wrong... life is good, but it's still hard.  I'm still adjusting to this new math.  1 mommy + 1 daddy + 2 babies + 1 salary = a whole different lifestyle.  And my little marathon nurser will go the distance and nurse ALL NIGHT LONG if I let him.  (Which I sometimes do, because it's easier to sleep that way.)  And I'm tired... and hopelessly out of shape... and and and.  But my boys, the lights of my life, my babies?

They are perfect.