Tuesday, January 11, 2011

From my children, I have learned

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning from children


This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.


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From my children, I have learned that I am beautiful.

My body may not conform to society’s standards of beauty, but I know that I am the very definition of beauty to my babies.  I need only see the look on their face when they gaze up at me while nursing to know I am so beautiful to them.  My self esteem is spurred along greatly by using their eyes instead of a mirror to contemplate my physical self.

From my children, I have learned how deep my reservoirs run.

I have always been a sleeper.  I could fall asleep anywhere, stay blissfully unaware of my surroundings through any hubbub, and wake refreshed, snuggled within my cocoon of comforters.  Until I had children, I was a master sleeper.  Since becoming a mother of twins, I have experienced first-hand how being devastatingly sleep-deprived will not kill me, though I might wish for sweet unconsciousness.  I am stronger than I ever imagined, able to survive with less.
 
From my children, I have learned tolerance.

I have tolerated, and often laughed at, more bodily fluids these past eleven months than I care to remember.  It’s the messy part of being a mama, and there is no avoidance of it.  I also have discovered within myself a vast lake of patience for repeating games, changing endless rounds of diapers, and nursing until I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. 

From my children, I have learned to be gentle.

Using gentle touch with newborns is easy.  Using a gentle voice with near-toddlers requires forethought and determination.  Deciding to parent gently as a universal style demands mindfulness and self-education.  Understanding child development helps me to put every action or need into the necessary perspective to remain gentle.

From my children, I have learned how exquisite selflessness can be.

I eat last.  I shower last, if at all.  I purchase clothing for myself last.  In the hierarchy of needs, I am last.  This is because I am the adult, the mother.  Putting my needs last does not mean those needs are unimportant, it simply means that at this point in our lives, my children need me more than I need myself.  This will not last forever, and I am determined to enjoy the beautiful dependency of babies while it lasts.

From my children, I have learned unfettered joy, and inconsolable heartache.

My babies embody emotion.  When they are happy, their eyes shine with delight and a smile transforms their features.  When they are sad, their faces crumple with confused agony.  My own heart sings with them, and weeps with them as they experience the gamut of human emotions. 

From my children, I have learned to create an environment that nurtures.

Play is not penned in our house.  There are no separate spaces for adults and babies.  Childproofing is a way of life, not an afterthought.  In doing this, I have set myself up to be their partner in exploring their home.  “No” very rarely passes my lips because it doesn’t have to.  We play together, and I do my part in creating the safe space in which to do so. 

From my children, I have learned how to be their mother.

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    Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
    Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
    (This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 11 with all the carnival links.)

    14 comments:

    1. Greetings from Malaysia! Hopping over from the Carnival!

      I love your statement on 'I have learned how exquisite selflessness can be' Totally agree with that! I'm always the last person eating, changing my clothes, showering, getting ready etc etc.. Just gotta make sure my child is attended to nice and proper before I could be satisfied to focus on myself!

      Cheers!

      ~ Jenny @ http://www.imafulltimemummy.com/

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    2. Very moving stuff; I particularly loved "I have experienced first-hand how being devastatingly sleep-deprived will not kill me, though I might wish for sweet unconsciousness. I am stronger than I ever imagined, able to survive with less." and "sing gentle touch with newborns is easy. Using a gentle voice with near-toddlers requires forethought and determination. " these spoke straight to my soul. You sound a very calm and loving mama; far more than I can hope to be. Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts on this topic :)

      Mrs green @littlegreenblog.com

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    3. That last line gave me goosebumps. What a beautiful post. It's true — even with all the sacrifices that children, and especially babies, demand, it's worth it, because it's so fleeting. Thank you for reminding me! I'll try to remember it next time I once again don't get to eat my meal while it's hot… :)

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    4. REALLY loved this, and NOT just cos I had to read and comment on it ;)). So many lines really spoke to me.

      See http://dreamingaloudnet.blogspot.com/2010/12/reflection-of-mother.html for my take on your number 1.
      Also have written on Adventures without sleep and other topics on your list. Delighted to have found you via the Carnival and looking forward to reading you regularly.

      Kudos for managing twins with such good grace! The thought always terrified me!

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    5. What a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing this.

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    6. Great thoughts, thanks for sharing them. I am totally with you in the sleep department -- motherhood has really taught me to function on a lot less!

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    7. (Seonaid... cause I'm having trouble configuring my WordPress comments)
      This just made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Wonderful post!

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    8. That's awesome! Many things that I've learned as well and just didn't realize :D

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    9. kudos on letting your littles roam freely in the house! that's something i struggle with and for which i really wish there was an easy solution.

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    10. "Using a gentle voice with near-toddlers requires forethought and determination. Deciding to parent gently as a universal style demands mindfulness and self-education." Oh mama - what wise words. And I have learned that gentleness is more effective for building trust and love than the smacks and yells that I have witnessed in my own past. This is a beautiful post.

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    11. I can relate to so much of this! I, too, was an exceptional sleeper in another time, but the sweet smile I now have the joy of waking up to each morning energizes and motivates me more than any amount of sleep ever could.

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    12. Oh this is so beautiful.

      Me too. Just like that.

      Except that I eat first.

      Am I the only mother who eats first? I seem to be.

      I'm just so much nicer after I've been fed, really, it's better that I eat first.

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